Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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