What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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