when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
