she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
