I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
