I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
