It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
