You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
