Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize