You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize