i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize