I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
