Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
