Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
