Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
