I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
