you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
