when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
