they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
