Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
