Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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