you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
