it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
