good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
