Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need a beard to bite.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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