i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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