It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
