I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize