You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
