we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
