Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
