You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
