What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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