I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
