made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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