i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
