We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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