My friends, they love my intelligence
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
