as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Farmville is her only friend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dear god my vagina.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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