please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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