...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
