remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
