If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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