Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
