I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
