Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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