'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
