What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize