awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This is classic penis vs brain.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
