Whod you bang
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
