Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
