Someone shit on the floor
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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