i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
