tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think your dad took our porno
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
