; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
