I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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