I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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