ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
