I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
