just come out here and I will go home with you...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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