I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
