If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it was like eating out sand paper
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
