were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
