this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
