I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
