The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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