New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
