you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
