so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
