You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
