Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
