You work out of a Hotel?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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