I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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