I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
