we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize