Already got asked if we're dating
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
